I've got a tattoo on my left arm with the words "Like the life you're living", a reminder, so I'd better find a way to like whatever challenge life has to offer.
Giving pep-talks, encouraging people and making them see how awesome they actually are is easy, I find it somehow ironic how hard it is to convince myself that everything is going to be OK, instead I just feel really worthless, hopeless and this huge negative energy within me. To tell you the truth, the whole drivers license thing has been one of the worst things I've ever put myself through, not the theoretical part, but the whole driving part. It might sound ridiculous, but it's really terrifying. It has been worse than when I decided to change high school, way more frighting than moving to a new city, starting a new class and not knowing a single soul. It scares me more than the time I decided to move to Austria for a winter season, for half a year, and its x times as hard than backpacking trough South East Asia for five months.
Everything is relative, but finding that one thing that scares you most, then having someone judge you, and at the same time fail, not only once, that's way to much for me.
I'm searching for the energy, looking for the confidence that's been scattered around. I'm told that I shouldn't give up, that it will be worth it at the end, I am working hard to convince myself, turn every negative thought, tell myself that once I get through it won't matter, it will be OK. Some days, I really hated India, but in the end those days I wanted to leave, actually strengthened me, not there and then, but afterwards. So maybe there's nothing more to it, than just getting trough it?
Like the life you're living, or live the life you like, it's actually pretty simple, yet so hard.
Giving pep-talks, encouraging people and making them see how awesome they actually are is easy, I find it somehow ironic how hard it is to convince myself that everything is going to be OK, instead I just feel really worthless, hopeless and this huge negative energy within me. To tell you the truth, the whole drivers license thing has been one of the worst things I've ever put myself through, not the theoretical part, but the whole driving part. It might sound ridiculous, but it's really terrifying. It has been worse than when I decided to change high school, way more frighting than moving to a new city, starting a new class and not knowing a single soul. It scares me more than the time I decided to move to Austria for a winter season, for half a year, and its x times as hard than backpacking trough South East Asia for five months.
Everything is relative, but finding that one thing that scares you most, then having someone judge you, and at the same time fail, not only once, that's way to much for me.
I'm searching for the energy, looking for the confidence that's been scattered around. I'm told that I shouldn't give up, that it will be worth it at the end, I am working hard to convince myself, turn every negative thought, tell myself that once I get through it won't matter, it will be OK. Some days, I really hated India, but in the end those days I wanted to leave, actually strengthened me, not there and then, but afterwards. So maybe there's nothing more to it, than just getting trough it?
Like the life you're living, or live the life you like, it's actually pretty simple, yet so hard.
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